i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
