I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you win again, gameday.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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