just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
