Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
