If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
