I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
