just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
