you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
