saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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