I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
