I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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