Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
