You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it glows. i had to have it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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