I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
