Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
