Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
