i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
