i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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