Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
