it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
