The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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