This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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