Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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