Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize