They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
