the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
