I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
