Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
