Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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