Swine flu. Run for my life!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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