I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
