I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
