how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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