nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
