ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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