so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
