did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
