I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
