I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
