I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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