Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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