I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
