I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
