I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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