Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
