even my farts smell like vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
