a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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