I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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