I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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