i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
