It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
