Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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