This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
