At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
