arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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